The morality of the issue lies in whether you are tortured by the fact
that we’ve created intellectual entities that are of no differences from
us and yet we are above them and have their lives at our disposal. Are
we able to claim that our emotions and experiences are superior to those
of theirs? The hosts are a better specimen of humanity as they are
programmed to act within boundaries, to do what they are supposed to do
as a ‘human’, to feel things that a human is supposed to feel. In that
sense, it is hard to tell which one is actually off the course.
So，the most challenging part of progress is beyond the beaten trap of
morality and personal emotion & feeling. With the passing of time, I
come to understand that how much a man can cover the life journey
depends largely on the degree he can get out of the control of his
stereotype and emotion. Get to Psychological books and learn more about
the inner function of ourselves.
44. as he escort Julia back to her car
At a more personal level, why are we constantly and relentlessly seeking
for the meaning and purpose that don’t essentially exist? To give
consequences to our decisions that we secretly regret? Or it’s just a
dysfunction that only affects a minority of us, a part of the species
that is defected in perceiving feelings, the joy and sorrows of human
connections, who are never comfortable in our own skins, to whom only
violent delights and pains can make us feel alive. Or maybe the opposite
is true. It’s the fact that we are equipped with so much more sensitive
detectors of emotions than the rest that all we want in our life is to
run away from the pains that we feel so acutely, more often than it
should, at the expense of the raptures of real connections alongside.
Typically defensive, emotional reactions—i.e., ego barriers—stand in the
way of this progress. These reactions take place in the part of the
brain called the amygdala. As a result of them, most people don’t like
reflecting on their weaknesses even though recognizing them is an
essential step toward preventing them from causing them problems. …In
my opinion, that is the biggest single problem of mankind because it,
more than anything else, impedes people’s abilities to address all other
problems and it is probably the greatest source of pain for most people.
Pain is part of life. And while it is seen by most as something to be
avoided, pain can actually be a good thing. It opens a well and presents
you with a valuable opportunity to grow. But it’s your job to decide
what you are going to fill it up with — love or fear. And it’s this
choice that can take you to an entirely new realm of possibilities,
because even if you do not understand why you lost love, you know that
there is something beautiful that can come from it. There’s something
more inside of you because of it.
If all we need is to be able to say “I’m in control”, it doesn’t mean
the evolution has taken us further; it only means we’ve ended up awfully
lonely. When you really have something or someone you truly want to
return to, it really doesn’t matter if you are in control.
The work doesn’t necessarily have to be a job, though I believe it’s
generally better if it is a job. It can be any kind of long-term
challenge that leads to personal improvement. As you might have guessed,
I believe that the need to have meaningful work is connected to man’s
innate desire to improve. And relationships are the natural connections
to others that make us relevant to society.
Sadness allows us to connect with ourselves. As bad as it feels, we
connect. We connect with our emotions, we connect with our memories and
we connect with our thoughts. This is why it is comfortable to stay in
sadness and difficult to transcend — we are meeting our need for
The only way out of this is to have something else you want to connect
with more. You have to ask yourself, what do you value more than your
pain? Do you value helping other people more? Perhaps you value helping
animals? Ask yourself: “What is the reason I am here?”
By shifting the focus from yourself to something else, you’ll learn how
to gradually let go of your pain and move on. This is the power of
Understanding how to find meaning out of your pain is a way to take a
broken heart and turn it into something that will help you grow and
expand your ability to love. We have to go through the emotions of
shock, denial, hurt and anger. But eventually there is acceptance. And
the best way to reach peace is to find a higher meaning out of our need
to serve others.
37. upbringing 抚育、教养
c, drive towards pleasure and away from pain.
As Freud put it, “Love and work are the cornerstones of our
humanness.”(This view only makes sense for a few whose name was, is ,and
will be recorded by the pen of history. For most people whose lives are
not worth living, they just work to live, not to achieve sth. And
I doubt there is something as love—perhaps it’s just a sexual impulse
at youth. Xiao-lai Lee also wrote about the credibility of
ever-exsistence of love. )
There isn’t much in the world that is more painful than a broken heart.
And most will say that there’s no salve but time to take that pain away.
But why are we so quick to speed through and even negate the pain? Why
do we distract ourselves from feeling emotions that can actually help us
find more closure on the love that has been lost?
humanistic [ˌhju:mə’nɪstɪk] 人道主义的，人文主义的
What makes a being a human: the instincts to
Your ability to see the changing landscape and adapt is more a function
of your perceptive and reasoning abilities than your ability to learn
and process quickly.
If you can use your heartache to find a more empowering meaning, then
you can take that same experience and say: “I’m going to take control of
my life. I’m going to make a change.” Rather than sitting and becoming a
reaction — making yourself the effect of the event — you are realizing
that you have the power to determine what things mean and how you will
approach life from this point forward.
One of the keys to utilization is envisioning a compelling future. What
does your new vision look like? What are you going to be doing
differently in the future? And what are you going to do differently
Remember, if you don’t take control and make the necessary changes,
weeds are going to grow automatically. But if you learn and adapt, you
can achieve a new level of living that would have never been possible
had you not gone through the heartache you did.
You control your life
44. Decision making is an inherently emotional business.
- So, what’s the difference between your pain and mine? Between you
- There’s no threshold that makes us greater than the sum of our
parts; no inflection point at which we feel fully alive. We can’t
define consciousness because consciousness doesn’t exist. Humans
fancy that there’s something special about the way we perceive the
world, and yet we live in loops, as closed and tights as the hosts
do, seldom questioning our decisions, content, for the most part, to
be told what to do next.
- Humans are alone for a reason. We murdered and butchered everything
that challenged our primacy. We destroyed and subjugated our world,
and then when we ran out of things to dominate, we built this place.
Also, for most people happiness is much more determined by how things
turn out relative to their expectations rather than the absolute level
of their conditions.This basic principle suggests that you can follow
one of two paths to happiness: 1) have high expectations and strive to
exceed them, or 2) lower your expectations so that they are at or
below your conditions. Most of us choose the first path, which means
that to be happy we have to keep evolving.
12. People are still blinded to the way unconscious affections and
aversions shape daily life.
We dread the idea of slavery, yet we have to, reluctant as we are,
accept that people are stupid and therefore their fate most often falls
in the hands of a minority of elites who control the majority of world’s
resources and most importantly intelligence. This unfortunately makes
slavey impossible to eliminate, only forces it to take shape in
different forms that are better disguised, on top of which is
consumerism. We embrace critical thinking, challenging the authority and
taking control our own life, which are what we are hard-wired to do,
fulling sense agency and all. Yet, the truth is we are perfectly
satisfied when we believe we are calling all the shots, while doing what
we are told to in a way that make us compliant with the group we want to
fit in. This is a part of the shared stories that Dr.Y discussed that
human beings convince themselves to believe in order of cooperation on
large scales and improved social productivity.
A. There are an infinite number of laws of the universe and that all
progress or dreams achieved come from operating in a way that’s
consistent with them. These laws and the principles of how to operate in
harmony with them have always existed. We were given these laws by
nature. Man didn’t and can’t make them up. He can only hope to
understand them and use them to get what he wants. The same is true for
economic, political, and social systems that work.
While it can be scary to acknowledge change, you can find strength by
commanding it. Tell yourself that things will never be the same. That
you will never be the same. But this is an opportunity to realize new
levels of opportunity and growth. And this doesn’t just mean in the long
Realize that you may not be able to have control over what is happening,
there are certain things you can control. For example: your body. When
you take control of your body, the mind and emotions will respond.
Become emotionally strong by first getting physically fit. Put your body
first, get into a peak state, and you will be able to change your
perspective on pain.
Realize that you also have the power to feed your mind. You can dwell in
memories of your relationship and replay the breakup over and over. Or
you can feed your mind information, poetry, spirituality. You can use
the pain to discover more about yourself and what you want in life.
Crying for what?
b, maintain the sustainability of the species by procreation and
protecting its offsprings;
Another principle to keep in mind is that people need meaningful work
and meaningful relationships in order to be fulfilled. I have observed
this to be true for virtually everyone, and I know that it’s true for
a, destroy whatever that is a threat to its survival;
Understanding what is good is obtained by looking at the way the world
works and figuring out how to operate in harmony with it to help it (and
yourself) evolve. But it is not obvious, and it is sometimes difficult
in exchange for 交换
Reality + Dreams + Determination = A Successful Life
14. We’ve spent a generation enrolling more young people in
college without understanding why so many don’t graduate.
1. Everyone who met them sensed that they lived blessed lives.
B. Evolution, which is the natural movement toward better adaptation, is
the greatest single force in the universe, and that it is good. It
affects the changes of everything from all species to the entire solar
system. In fact, it appears to me that everything other than evolution
eventually disintegrates and that we all are, and everything else is,
vehicles for evolution.
38. kindness is the most important quality desired in a sexual partner
by both men and women.
Your Most Important Choices
As I mentioned, the quality of our lives depends on the quality of the
decisions we make. We literally make millions of decisions that add up
to the consequences that are our lives.Of these millions, I believe that
there are five big types of choices that we continually must make that
radically affect the quality of our lives and the rates at which we move
toward what we want. Choosing well is not dependent on our innate
abilities such as intelligence or creativity, but more on what I think
of as character. For this reason, I believe that most people can make
the right choices.
The following five decision trees show these choices. I believe that
those who don’t move effectively to their goals do the things on the top
branches, and those who do move to them most quickly do the things on
the bottom branches.
Nature gave us pain as a messaging device to tell us that we are
approaching, or that we have exceeded, our limits in some way. At the
same time, nature made the process of getting stronger require us to
push our limits. Gaining strength is the adaptation process of the body
and the mind to encountering one’s limits, which is painful. When we
encounter pain, we are at an important juncture in our decision-making
Most people react to pain badly. They have “fight or flight” reactions
to it: they either strike out at whatever brought them the pain or they
try to run away from it. As a result, they don’t learn to find ways
around their barriers, so they encounter them over and over again and
make little or no progress toward what they want.
Those who react well to pain that stands in the way of getting to their
goals—those who understand what is causing it and how to deal with it so
that it can be disposed of as a barrier—gain strength and satisfaction.
This is because most learning comes from making mistakes, reflecting on
the causes of the mistakes, and learning what to do differently in the
future. Believe it or not, you are lucky to feel the pain if you
approach it correctly, because it will signal that you need to find
solutions and to progress. Since the only way you are going to find
solutions to painful problems is by thinking deeply about them—i.e.,
reflecting — if you can develop a knee-jerk reaction to pain that is to
reflect rather than to fight or flee, it will lead to your rapid
Your very unique power of reflectiveness—i.e., your ability to look at
yourself, the world around you, and the relationship between you and the
world—means that you can think deeply and weigh subtle things to come up
with learning and wise choices. Asking other believable people about the
root causes of your pain in order to enhance your reflections is also
typically very helpful— especially others who have opposing views and
who share your interest in finding the truth rather than being proven
If you can reflect deeply about your problems, they almost always shrink
or disappear, because you almost always find a better way of dealing
with them than if you don’t face them head on. The more difficult the
problem, the more important it is that you think hard about it and deal
with it. After seeing how effectively facing reality—especially your
problems, mistakes and weaknesses— works, I believe you will become
comfortable with it and won’t want to operate any other way.
So, please remember: Pain + Reflection = Progress
25. Human babies require years to become self-sufficient.
I also believe that all things in nature have innate attributes that are
both good and bad, with their goodness and their badness depending on
what they are used for. For example, the thorns on a rose bush, the
stinger on a bee, the aggressiveness of a lion, the timidity of a
gazelle are all both good and bad, depending on their applications. Over
time, nature evolves toward the right balance through the process of
natural selection—e.g., an overly aggressive animal will die
prematurely, as will an overly timid animal.
34. lean in forward/lean forward
As I mentioned, for most people success is evolving as effectively as
possible, i.e., learning about oneself and one’s environment and then
changing to improve.
15. Rather than just confine himself to an abstract description of human
BUT WHY NOT TRY THE SECOND WAY ?
48. he was proficient at making estimates based on incomplete
Every coin has two sides, and never go to extreme. It’s also
consistent with Chinese philosophy —ZHONGYONG LAW by Laozi and
Restrict 指保持在规定的范围内， 如选择或行动
19. Men everywhere value clear skin, full lips, long lustrous
hair,symmetrical features,shorter distances between the mouth and
chin and between the nose and chin, and waist to hip ratio of about
29. People can make snap judgements about a person’s
trustworthiness, competence, aggressiveness, and likability within the
first tenth of a second. These sorts of first glimpses
are astonishingly accurate in predicting how people will feel about
each other months later. People rarely revise their first
7. Just as Galileo “removed the earth from its privileged
position at the center of the universe”, so this intellectual
revolution removes the conscious mind from its privileged place at the
center of human behavior. This story removes it from the center of
everyday life. It points to a deeper way of flourishing and a different
definition of success.
proficient in sth/at doing sth 精通的，熟练的
28.Standards of female beauty are pretty much the same around the
3. They possessed enough confidence to take risks and enough integrity
to live up to their commitments.
we met at a party and clicked immediately
17. In fact, we are separated from the other animals because we have
phenomenal social skills that enable us to teach, learn,sympathize,
emote, and build cultures, institutions and the complex
mental scaffolding of civilisations.
- Emotions measure the value of something, and help unconsciously
guided us as we navigate through life – away from things that are likely
to lead to pain and toward things that are likely to lead to fulfilment.
6. These submerged（淹没的） process are the seedbeds（温床） of
8. The unconscious mind coat things with emotional significance.
23. serve no purpose/ serve no nutritional purpose
20. carry oneself well
inherently [ɪnˈhɪrəntlɪ] 天性地，固有地
- Walk down the sidewalk
the way in which a child is cared for and taught how to behave when it
is growing up.
47. well informed 见多识广, diplomatic 圆滑的
39. A woman’s attractiveness is an outstanding predictor of her
husband’s annual income.
- Ninety percent of emotional communication is nonverbal. Gestures are
an unconscious language that we use to express not only our feelings but
to constitute them.
15. to illustrate how the recent scientific findings play out in
real life …
22. set off 出发;（使）开始;引起;点燃
11. It gives itself the credit for performing all sorts of tasks
it doesn’t really control.
21. flat-chested 平胸的
9. I want to show you what this unconscious system looks like when it is
flourishing, when the affections and aversions that guide us every day
have been properly nurtured，the emotions properly educated.
make great stride in sth 在某方面取得巨大进步
24. Women in general are less visually aroused than men.
On these matters 在这些事情上
42. People who succeed in courtship are able to pick up the melody and
rhythm of a relationship.
Seedbed for/of sth (人或事发展的有利环境和温床）
compensate sb for sth 给某人赔偿
27. Women have found that it pays to trade off a few points in the
first-impression department in exchange for reliability and social
intelligence down the road.
32. Without realizing it, they were also measuring each
other’s intellectual compatibility.
5. We are living in the middle of a revolution in consciousness. Over
the past few years, geneticists[dʒəˈnɛtɪsɪst]遗传学者,
neuroscientists, psychologists, sociologists, economists,
anthropologists and others have made great strides in understanding
the building blocks of human flourishing. And a core finding of
their work is that we are not primarily the products of our conscious
thinking. We are primarily the products of thinking that happens below
the level of awareness.
2. They were persistent after setbacks and acknowledged their
4. They tried to control their worst impulses.
26. set one’s eyes on 关注
33. Preferences are formed below the level of awareness
41. Human culture exists in large measure to restrain the natural
desires of the species. The tension of courtship is produced by the
need to slow down when the instincts want to rush right in.
31. Most men and women fall in love with individuals of the same ethic,
social, religious, educational and economic background, those
of similar physical attractiveness, comparable intelligence,
similar attitudes, expectations, values, interests and those with
similar social and communication skills.
down the road 在将来，以后
- click 合得来，一见如故
40. Men who are deficient in one status category can compensate
if they are high in another.
compensate for sth = make up for 补偿
deficient（in sth） 不足的，有缺陷的
13.On these matters, they are almost entirely on their own.
- The central evolutionary truth is that the unconscious matters most.
The central humanistic truth is that the conscious mind can influence
when a woman sets her eyes upon a potential mate, her time frame is
different from his.
trade off 以…交换
30. He’s good-looking but he is not one of those man who are so
good-looking that they don’t need to be interesting.
blizzard [ˈblɪzərd] 大量
coat sth with sth 在……涂上一层
- One of the breakthroughs that helped us understand the interplay
between emotion and decision making began with a man named Elliot, whose
story has become one of the most famous in the world of brain research.
18. The unconscious is impulsive, emotional, sensitive, and
unpredictable. It has its shortcomings. It needs supervision. But it can
be brilliant. It’s capable of processing blizzard of data and making
daring creative leaps.
- when you look deeper into the unconscious, the separations between
individuals get a little fuzzy 模糊的，含糊不清
Play out 逐渐发生，展开